How To Be A Girl: Going to the Gym

Last week my How to be a Girl article focused on something that all girls ‘need’ to do: tanning. This week, I’m motoring ahead and staying true to the Guido’s: I’m going to talk about going to the gym. Because girls need to look hot and shit. Personally, I haven’t really mastered that yet, but God loves a trier. If any of you figure it out, let me know how.

1. Buy Cute Gym Clothes. I can’t stress this enough. When you drag yourself out of bed every morning and throw on the oldest of old sports clothes you used to wear back in secondary school, you know what you’re saying to yourself? I don’t give any shits about the gym. I do not respect the gym. If you did, you would invest just as much time in picking an outfit for it as you do for all the other places you go. I’m not saying that you should spend an hour getting ready for the gym, I’m just saying that you should get some proper gym clothes which will make you feel good about going and inspire you to work out! LuLuLemon are known for their amazing(but expensive) workout clothes, and they now ship to Ireland for free, while Victoria's Secret have the most UNREAL sports clothes in the cutest colours.
   
2. Sort Out Your Music. I can’t count the times I’ve either been late to the gym or decided not to go because my iPod wasn’t charged or my songs weren’t updated. Playlists are obviously key so you’re not fiddling with your iPod every two seconds in the middle of a run. Some people favour heavy metal like AC/DC or dance music like Avicii, anything with a good beat really. Personally I prefer chart music or music by hot independant girlo’s so I can be like ‘Beyonce runs on a treadmill every day, so I gotta do it too!’ Whatever you prefer, make sure you have it ready the day before and don’t spend hours procrastinating when you’re supposed to be at the gym. RunHundred compile the most popular work out songs as voted by their email subscribers on a daily basis, so that’s a really good source of inspiration that’s always current and up to date.
   
3. Look Up Motivational Stuff Online. You may have noticed that steps one, two and three don’t actually involve going to the gym, but bear with me. No matter how committed you are, you’re gonna have those days when you just wanna sit in your PJ’s and watch Law & Order SVU. When this happens to me, I visit sites like LiveStrong and AddictedToSuccess, which have ENDLESS articles about how awesome it is to be fit and healthy. Just remember, reading them WON’T actually get you ripped.(I’ve tried.) You have to go to the gym for that. I think.
   
4. Plan Your Workout. Don’t just arrive at the gym and hop onto the nearest cardio machine, put in a mediocre effort for an hour and then bop off home delirraaa with yourself. Decide what areas of your body you’re going to work today, and stick to it. I’m always hearing the guys in work talking about ‘arm day’, ‘leg day’, ‘back day’ etc and although we might not be trying to get as bulky as them, I still think it’s a good system. (and by the looks of them it works!) It means you won’t get bored of your workout, because you’re not doing an hour on the treadmill every day. Vary it up a bit, say do cardio Monday, Wednesday and Friday, do arms Tuesday, legs Thursday and abs Saturday. That sounds like a lot of working out, but you get the picture.
   
5. Do You Want To Be The Girl That Wears Loads of Make-Up? You know the way there’s always one girl at the gym wearing WAY too much make-up? I’m talking false lashes, lip liner, fake nails, and enough jewellery to put J-Lo to shame. Usually wearing a teeny top and a push up bra, sometimes even a skirt(seriously, I’ve seen that before). Now I’m not saying DON’T be her. But if you do decide to wear make-up, go hard or go home buddy. Go all out. Dress as if you’re going to a nightclub. Put on fake tan. Wear heels, I don’t even know. At least it gives the rest of us something entertaining to watch as your necklace gets caught in the cross-trainer handles.
   
6. Avoid the Creeps. Dressing like the above is bound to get you a loada gym creeps. I think every girl I know has a creepy guy that she always sees at the gym, who watches her and shit, sometimes even FB’s or Tweets her. I had this one guy who used to come into my work and always talk about how he saw me at the gym and how he could help me work out if I wanted. Fucking weirdo. Guys: do not be this person. Girls: the best way to combat this is to look as UGLY as possible. Hair tied back, obviously. No make-up. Red face. Lots of sweating. It works a charm. (Trust me.)
   
7. Take some classes. Maybe. I have mixed feelings about gym classes. I’ve gone to Zumba in my local community centre a few times, so I thought I was relatively good enough at it to try it out in my gym. Big mistake. It’s a totally different ball game. The girls there were SHIT HOT. They all looked like Jessica Alba, a far cry from the not-so Yummy Mummy’s that frequent Littlepace Community Centre. Their sports bra’s matched their leggings which matched their runners. They knew all the dance moves. I flayed about at the back making up my own steps and sneaking off to drink some water whenever possible, counting down the minutes until it was over. I’ve put it down to a bad experience, in that I’ve had two left feet since I was born, so I’m going to try some other ones like Spinning and I’ll let you know how that goes. Gym classes in general can be great, you are motivated to keep up with class and you can burn between 400 and 600 calories an hour while having fun! Also, a lot of them are free, so you may as well take advantage of them.
   
8. DON’T EAT LIKE SHIT WHEN YOU GO HOME. This is the biggest mistake girls make ever. I have heard SO many of my friends say ‘I actually put ON weight when I go to the gym’. Bitch shut the fuck up, that’s not because of the gym. It’s because you went home thinking‘omg I was SO good today I burned 200 calories so I can DEFINITELY eat this 1000 calorie large pepperoni pizza’. I think that’s genuinely something I have said myself. It’s such an easy trap to fall into, but don’t waste all of your hard work on a few shitty packets of crisps or a burger.